Showing posts from July, 2017
We are sitting in our small groups. It starts again, that sweating of my palms, the twirling of my belly and the whisper in my spirit that my story is "too tainted". I utter the prayer "get thee behind me Satan" almost audibly, and I begin to give my testimony.

For those of you who don't know me, I have a "dirty" past. I was a troubled teen that made a lot of poor decisions. I struggled with drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, and many other deeper rooted issues that are too tender for me to put out on the Internet, but let's just say I had fallen way down deep into despair. The kind of despair that feels hopeless, lonely, and like there is no return.

I struggled in this darkness for a long time trying to self-medicate and fill an emptiness that was never ending. If I could be even more real, I had already had my oldest daughter at this point and I was still so empty, I couldn't pour into her, because I didn't have it to give. I didn't know …